To say that this year has been interesting so far is probably the greatest understatement of my life. I cannot imagine anything that could have prepared me for what 2020 has brought our way. And it started so strong, only to go completely sideways around spring break. Times like this try us, change us, and if we are not careful, they can break us. None of us did anything to bring this on, but we are all facing it, together (or at least 6 feet apart).
I have written on here a couple of times about my anxiety during the pandemic. And with cases surging around us, it has come back with purpose again. I do not normally consider myself to be an anxious person, so this has been especially tough for me. I have forced myself to sit with it and unpack it and walk around it and try to see it from every angle. And I have really tried to focus not just on the causes, but on ways to manage it.
The first several weeks of the pandemic and lockdown had me in a near panic most days as I watched the numbers rise and feared for my business as the stock market came down hard and worried about our immuno-compromised daughter. My fear level helped no one in my world, and I had to fight hard to get it under control. And I am sharing this because I suspect that my story is not at all unique during this time.
The causes are fairly clear on the surface, but a little more complicated once you scratch the surface. The pandemic landed on us after a particularly hard 10 months or so, during which my mom died, we bought a new house and had trouble getting our old house sold, Emily had hip surgery, and our middle daughter had multiple surgeries. I got sick with bronchitis in February and stayed sick off and on until late April. I was tired already.
As I have worked through it, I have found a few practices that are helping quite a bit. They have not made the anxiety go away, but they are giving me some peace and clarity in the midst of it, and I offer them here in case they might help you or someone you know.
In April, I started walking, a lot. Since April 17th, I have walked over 200 miles, and my goal is to hit a total of 600 by the end of the year. I may not make that goal, but I will still walk lots of miles. And these walks have given me the chance to work through some complex emotions, and to leave some baggage along the roads. I listen to podcasts and sermons and spend some time wrestling with some new ways of seeing things. And I pray a lot. Some of these prayers are pretty raw, and some don’t sound at all like the prayers I learned to do growing up, but they are honest. The physical aspect of the walking has been great, but what happens to my head and heart on the walks has been as good or better.
Recently, listening to a podcast on a walk, I heard Jay Shetty and Ryan Holliday (you should check them out) discussing their morning routines, especially related to the use of their phones. Both talked about how they stay off their phones until sometime later in the morning. No emails, no news, no social media; nothing that can derail the day before it even gets started.
This made me think about my mornings, and how I would get up, grab some coffee and mindless scroll through Facebook posts, or read upsetting headlines, or focus on the market futures. None of those things will help you get off to a good start. Facebook has gotten so toxic that I am mostly off it for a while and the news just got me worked up about things I could not control. So, I am following their advice. Until work time, the only thing I use my phone for is meditating and podcasts while walking. I am reclaiming my mornings in order to better set the tone for the day. And it has been so refreshing!
And finally, I am doing something that I never imagined would become a part of my days. I am meditating several times a day. I am using two apps, Breethe and Calm, for guidance and I highly recommend them both. Just the practice of mindfulness and being focused on the present moment has already been life changing, and I can see the practice of meditation being a part of my life from now on. Taking a few moments throughout the day brings periods of peace and clarity. It has been said that everyone should meditate 20 minutes a day, unless you are too busy, and then you should meditate for an hour. My goal is to get between 40-60 minutes total throughout the day.
None of these things make the anxiety go away, and I wonder if it is just going to be a constant in my life for a while (or if it has been there all along), but these practices have been so helpful for me. And if you are fearful and anxious, they will help you as well. Give it a try. And reach out if you have any questions about any of this. After all, we are in this together.
I to due do a lot of the things you are doing and they are very helpful and will continue doing. I have found that keeping a positive mental attitude has been the greatest help of all. All things come from the mind and we must guard it with great care. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and what is helpful.