An Inside Job

At the risk of people thinking I may be crazy, I am going to share a dream I had a few weeks ago. It was so vivid that I wrote it down as soon as I got up, but then I let it sit for a while and circled back around to it here and there. I think that dreams can sometimes teach us, but it can be hard just to remember them, much less to discern the meaning. Anyway, here it is…and remember, it was an actual dream, so some of it may seem a little strange…

Emily and I were in another city where we had never been. I was supposed to speak at a church or some other gathering that we had never been to before either. For some reason, the facility was up high on an overpass, and seems to have been connected to a shopping center/mall. The meeting was business attire, requiring me to be somewhat dressed up for my talk, so I was wearing khakis, a button-down shirt, and a sport coat. But for some reason, I was convinced that I did not have the right shoes, that I only had running shoes to wear. So I began rushing around furiously (something I do lots of times in my dreams for some reason!) looking for a pair of better shoes to wear. I rushed around the mall, in and out of stores, looking everywhere with no success. And it was almost time for my talk, the meeting had started already. I know this because in my rushing I went in and out of the foyer area and could see what was happening. In all of this, I could feel my stress level rising constantly, and almost a sense of panic…what if I miss it? What if they don’t let me speak because I am not dressed appropriately?

Finally, I remembered that I had a better pair of shoes in the car. They were still tennis shoes, but they were really nice. (In fact, they were the really cool grey K-Swiss that I recently bought…how weird is that?) So, I decided those would have to do. I went back to the car, got the shoes and sat down to change quickly so I could still make my talk.

And as I sat down and lifted a foot to take off a shoe, I realized that I was wearing a pair of brown loafers that were exactly what was needed for the event, but somehow, in all of my rushing and worrying, I had not noticed. I had not taken the time to look down at my feet or to notice the difference in feel and fit. I was working from the assumption that what I needed was something I did not already possess, that what I needed to wear was something not already on my body. And it almost cost me an opportunity to do something I really like to do. It caused me stress and frustration and fear. All because I never took the time to stop and look down.

How much is that like our lives much of the time? We run and rush and worry and fret and strive to find that thing that will make it complete, that will give us peace, that will bring happiness and satisfaction. But we never stop and look around, and look inside, to see if what we want, what we need, is something we already possess.

But we are convinced that the answer lies outside of us. Or maybe we suspect it might be inside; but we realize that it will take some uncomfortable inner work to uncover and unpack it.

May we stop rushing around, at least in our minds, long enough to see what we already have…we might find it is exactly what we need. Peace.