This is something that has been on my mind for a few weeks, and I decided it was time to share it. I have been thinking about how we tend to view everything as relative and make everything at least a comparison, if not an outright contest. I am thinking about this primarily in terms of struggles and grief. But we often do it when someone experiences a win as well.
You know what I am talking about. You have done it and so have I. A friend is describing something they are going through, and rather than simply sitting with them and holding space for them and their pain, we tell a story about something we faced, and it was certainly more difficult.
Or we so helpfully point out to them that there is always somebody who has it harder than them. Well, yeah…but also, so what?
Trials are faced by all of us, and we certainly need to be able to talk about them. In fact, it is by facing things together that we can grow closer and stronger.
But when we feel we have to one-up someone, or try to downplay their difficulties, we minimize their pain, and their humanity. So, the next time a friend is sharing their pain, just let them know you are with them and sit with them in their pain. Sure, someone you know has it worse, but that doesn’t make your friend’s pain any less real.
I am convinced that the most compassionate thing we can do for a hurting brother or sister is walk with them and hold them as they hold their pain. Or if you cannot be with them in it, be waiting for them on the other side so that when they emerge from the dark they see a friendly face. We need friends and companions on this journey more than we need scorekeepers.
Just something I have been thinking about for a little while.
Peace.